기억

기억이라는것은 참 무서운거다.

오래전 일들 이지만 머리속에 맴돌아 나를 가끔 괴롭게한다.

내가 얼마나 어리석었는지

내가 얼마나 바보같았는지

내가 얼마나 잘난줄 알았는지...

내가 얼마나 하나님을 잘 몰랐었는지..

참 영원할것 같던 것들도 다 떠나고

용서받아야할 죄

잊지 못할 안타까운 기억들

바보같았던 실수들...

한번에 다 울고 아프고 회개하고

행복해 지고싶다. 상처도 지우고싶다. 한번에. 싹

근데 그게 그렇게 되는게 아닌가봐

하나님은 하나하나씩...차근차근...내가 회개하기 원하시나봐

실수를 또하고 -

죄를 또 짓고

하나님을 알면서도 또 또...하는 나를 보면 참 하나님은..

나같은 놈한테..이렇게 많은 사랑과 복으로...채우시니...

그냥 할말이 없다. 나를 수백번 용서하시고...수백번 가르치시고..또 수백밴..용서하실테니.

너무...말이 안되고...그래서...할말이 없다.

진짜..내 인생은 내것이 아니다...하나님것이다..

내가 하나님께 해드릴것은..그것 뿐이다...

이게 진정한 감사라는것인가..?

Pics from my teenage years

I have been coming to realize that my 4 years of boarding school experience have been so influential in my life. (Dorm experience, learning how to deal with people - social experience, learning to be independent, learning to walk with God alone without my parents or chirstian community, finding my identity as a Christian, Korean or Korean-American wutever...etc etc). The list can go on forever. For sure, there were some unhealthy aspects of it too.

However, I believe that I was able to survive, learn and end up with wonderful memories and experiences by God's total control in my life.

Here are some pictures from those days.

School Bell Tower - there s wireless internet :)

Also this place is called "the dating zone." A lot of students who have bf or gf spend much time here after school or during meal time.

Florida does have the most beautiful sky.

Believe it or not - I had a lot of non-asian friends. These are Jon and Kris. We went to school together for 5 years - lived in the same dormitory. Kris was one of the closest buds I had.

By the way, I took this pic at the prom in my jr. year.

After Graduation. Oh gosh- I cried so much. My senior class was about...85 people and I knew every single one of them. What a beautiful way to end my jounery.

In 2005 - the aftermath of Hurrican. Yes this was the one of the biggest hurricanes in my life.

AP English Literature class.

Dining Hall

These are the Korean friends who I had the strongest bonds with.

Yes, there were many dramas among us, but we ended up with so many stories and memories to remember. And, of course- my uniform. I enjoyed wearing them. I was able to learn how to dress since these days....hahaha.

Library

My roommate for 2 years. He is a person who is so different from me. We did not think we would get along. But he became one of my best friends. His life in Georgia tech has been taken over by his architecture projects.

Risk

When our children were young, one of our favorite board games was Risk. World conquest was the objective. Each player mobilized his troops to take possession of countries and continents. It always amused me that the person who initially was leading the game seldom won. The reason is obvious. When other players sensed his mounting pride, they would join together against him.

Whether consciously or subconsciously, it is easy to dislike powerful people who have proud looks. Their very countenance seems to encourage others to throw obstacles in their paths or to be silent objectors.

In today’s Bible reading, we are told that God hates seven things. Tellingly, the first is pride. When someone overvalues himself by undervaluing others, he inevitably reveals it with his proud look. Puffed up in self-conceit, he may also devise evil and sow discord. No wonder God hates proud looks.

Proud and powerful people may think they can disregard others’ displeasure, but they cannot disregard God’s opposition. Peter reminds us not to trust in ourselves but in the One who will exalt us “in due time” (1 Peter 5:6). As we submit to Him, we avoid the risk that pride brings to our character and we become thankful, humble servants of God. From dailybread

전능하신 나의 주 하나님

전능하신 나의 주 하나님은
능치 못하실 일 전혀 없네
우리의 모든 간구도
우리의 모든 생각도
우리의 모든 꿈과 모든 소망도

신실하신 나의 주 하나님은
우리의 모든 괴로움 바꿀수 있네
불가능한 일 행하시고
죽은 자를 일으키시니
그를 이길자 아무도 없네

주의 말씀 의지하여 깊은 곳에 그물 던져
오늘 그가 놀라운 일을 이루시는 것 보라
주의 말씀 의지하여 믿음으로 그물 던져
믿는 자에게 능치 못함 없네

신실하신 나의 주 하나님은
우리의 모든 괴로움 바꿀 수 있네
불가능한 일 행하시고
죽은 자를 일으키시니
그를 이길자 아무도 없네

주의 말씀 의지하여 깊은 곳에 그물 던져
오늘 그가 놀라운 일을 이루시는 것 보라
주의 말씀 의지하여 믿음으로 그물 던져
믿는 자에게 능치 못함 없네

Calling: 부르심

"Consecration is not the giving over of the calling in life to God, but the separation from all other callings and the giving over the ourselves to God, letting His providence place us where He will - in business, or law, or science; in workshop, in politics, or in drudgery. We are to be there working according to the laws and principles of the Kingdom of God." - Oswald C.

When I am the right person before God, I can do whatever task He send, wherever He puts me. In so doing, I would discover and affirm His calling for me. Perhaps, I should pause from praying like "God, what is my calling? what do you want me to do?" - It is not what I do but who I am - thats more important.

God remembers

This is kinda stupid...but sometimes I wonder how God is with everyone for 24/7.
How does he remember everything. It is just so hard to understand with my limited understanding of him. How does he remember everything?

God remembered Noah, and every living thing, and all the animals that were with him in the ark
- Genesis 8:1

Recently, God gave me a solution for one problem I was struggling with. I do not even remember if I prayed enough or wrestled with God urgently. I just kinda let it go and tried to forget. Up until now, I forgot about everything about that problem....but recently, God powerfully spoke to me and gave me a solution for it - "holy Cow"

Jesus remembered the dying thief who said "Lord remembered me when you come into your kingdom." Despite so much pain, Jesus replied "Today you will be with me in heaven." That's how much God wants to remember everything about me.

My pain is his pain. He is the all-seeing God who remembers what I need.

Speak Nicely

can people say things nicely?...
or am I just too sensitive?

trying to be blunt and strong...makes me feel like I am denying who I am.
에휴~sigh